Here is the line-up for week 4, you guys. I honestly don’t know in which series the BBC decided to tell us all in advance what dances/songs were being prepared for our delectation and delight, but I must say it brings me trepidation and excitement in equal measure, so all in all bravo BBC, that’s probably about right.
Alison and Aljaz – Samba - Bootylicious by Destiny’s Child.
It is official. I don’t care about anything else about this weekend from this moment on. Dances to Beyonce/Destiny's Child have included this (BELOVED IAN), this and this. Add to that my love and devotion for this couple, and I am ALL IN.
Caroline and Pasha - Quickstep - We Go Together from Grease.
OK, sure. Go ahead. Don’t let Rav and Aliona being evicted to it in series 7 stop you. Honestly, if it in any way cleanses the palate of an Aliona/Rav dance, I’m probably all for it.
Frankie and Kevin - Cha Cha - Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.
Srsly? I honestly don’t see how it can live up to this, or indeed any other version of the meme, so why bother? Kevin from Grimsby – if you and Frankie do phone hands AT ANY POINT during this routine, you and me are breaking up, for real this time. (Also I am going to be singing this song for, like, four days afterwards I HATE YOU KEVIN FROM GRIMSBY).
Jake and Janette - Jive - All Shook Up by Elvis Presley.
This feels too slow for a jive to me, no? Aside from that point, hopefully Jake can loosen up for this. I know I know, the salsa was tremendous etc. But it was tremendous because it was mental, not because Jake was super-into it. I think we need a PERSONALITY BREAKTHROUGH.
Judy and Anton - Tango - Jealousy by Billy Fury.
I am breaking out into a cold sweat just thinking about Judy trying to act intense for the tango. Never will a tango have been more sheepishly danced.
Mark and Karen - Quickstep - Tiger Feet by Mud.
I like the song. I will almost certainly not like the dance. Oh Karen.
Pixie and Trent - Rumba - Stay With Me by Sam Smith.
For several horrific seconds, I thought this was Shakespeare’s Sister. But it’s not, it’s this. Which is fine.
Scott and Joanne - American Smooth - Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler.
AN AMERICAN SMOOTH TO BONNIE TYLER. Joanne might be creeping into Artem levels of American Smooth here (in terms of bonkersness rather than partner talent, obvs), and that is some shit I can get behind.
Simon and Kristina - Charleston - My Old Man (Said Follow The Van).
Sigh. I would have preferred just about any dance for Simon for his scripted Bottom Two Bounce week. A lovely American Smooth, say, or a nice gliding waltz. Instead, we’re going PERSONALITY, presumably to take us all back to that bouncy jive in week 1, so we’ll all vote for him again. I can’t fault the tactics, it’s just soooo YOU’RE BACK IN THE COMPETITION, MY SON.
Steve and Ola - Salsa - Jump in the Line by Harry Belafonte.
Sure. I mean, we’ve been there before for a slightly weak effort from Anita and Robin (OH GOD WHERE ARE ALL THE ORIGINAL MUSIC CHOICES), but sure. I predict enthusiastic but feeble hip work and ONE MILLION LIFTS.
Sunetra and Brendan - Salsa - Turn the Beat Around by Vicki Sue Robinson.
I am literally looking forward to this. I know! Her footwork’s good, her arms are nifty, she spins well – should be fun. I mean, will it be enough for her to get in amongst the Frankie-Pixie-Caroline-Jake quadrumvirate? Maybe not, though it might not be Jake’s best week. But I’m excited for it nonetheless.
tHom and Iveta - Foxtrot - Build Me Up Buttercup by The Foundations.
Sigh. I guess at least this time it’s a Foxtrot, not a Cha Cha.
Tim and Natalie - Paso Doble - The Best by Tina Turner.
I know what’s going to happen. You know what’s going to happen. And we all know it’s going to happen with a backdrop of flame cannons. Let’s just make our peace with it now.
- excited about Alison/Aljaz, Sunetra/Brendan;
- bored by tHom/Iveta, Mark/Karen, Jake/Janette;
- stoically prepared for Tim/Natalie;
- expecting the end for Judy/Anton.
See you guys on Saturday.